These last two months of school has been a bitch. Some of my classmates has been annoying as hell and have shown their true colors. Honestly, I’ve never been so pissed and irritated at them. Before that incident happened, everything was going good— everybody’s been treating everybody nice. My other group’s relationship was doing good and fun as usual..not until that rumour broke. They’ve judged people not knowing the true story. What I’ve been so mad about is that they are claiming to be “clean”, as if they haven’t done anything unacceptable in the past or now. The second reason that has been irritating and annoying is that these “friends” are not acting as if were friends with them. It’s just sad that you treated them as friends but when something happens, they leave you hanging up in the air. Sila pa ang unang iiwan sayo. I feel sad for my friend, siya pa tuloy yung nag mukhang masama. Nakakasama lang ng loob.
In the past months, I’ve been going to school seeing people talk behind your back, not wanting to help you, judging you like a bad person, and watching every move you make. That’s shit.. Everything is crap. But, as long as you know yourself and you’ve done nothing wrong to them, why be affected? I’ve been trying my best keeping my head up high and saying & commenting nothing against them. I keep reminding myself, why stoop down to their level? That’s not…classy, they’re not classy and are not worth of time and energy. I planned to vent after finals but nah.. not worth it and, not classy lol
I feel bad for my parents though. I haven’t been myself these past months because school has been stressing me out. Everytime they ask me about school, I just shrug. I just don’t want to talk about school at home because it just adds to the stress I’m experiencing. Now, my mum thinks I’m mad at someone particularly one in our family because I was distant yesterday. First of, I am not mad at anyone,
second, I was acting like a bitch yesterday because I was experiencing PMS— ya’ know, hormones and I hate it when that happens.
Currently, I’m still stressing about my grades. I have remedials scheduled next week and it’s such a pain in the arse and neurons just because I am SO LAZY to study anymore :( but what the heck.. I have to and I need to pass this. And after, I can now finally rest and relax from all stressors.
I thought this summer, it was going to be different and fun than last year. But I was wrong. It is a productive one, but other than that, it isn’t. It’s not different from last year. Problems are reoccurring (to me) and that sucks. And I miss my friends.
I was browsing through my dashboard and read Ate Piya’s post, agreeing to what she said about doctors thinking that examination is the best tool for learning. Yes, I am sick of having examinations every single day. What I hate the most is that, some doctors don’t give a precise lecture on a topic and then when they give tests, it is freaking hard! Also, I hate it when they expect you to know everything. I sometimes think why I chose this path— entering med school. It makes you depressed, sad and have a low self-esteem. I admit that there are times when I thought of quitting and doubting myself everytime I see my grades/scores posted on our bulletin board. I am not used to have low scores and grades because I didn’t have any problem before when I was still an undergraduate but now, /sobs. It is really really hard. But I don’t know.. I still have a very looooong way to go.
It feels like it’s already Thursday because of the sleepless nights we had these past days. It also feels like it’s already the finals week when in fact it’s still next week. We had 2 pre-semestral exams this week and 2 practicals (1 still pending) and 1 long exam on Friday plus 1 journal reporting for Thursday. Amidst of these exams and requirements, I am really really really looking forward to our sembreak next week. Please come already!
I hate to admit this but I really have study problems now. It’s just that the material or the subject I’m reviewing is not interesting to me. It bores me to deaaaaaath -__- What to do?? Actually, I don’t know. How do I survive this shit? I do not know. I cannot wait for sembreak to come. 3 weeks more to go!